inside...
I am screaming
but not a word passes my lips
my silence but a prayer
passing towards
god’s ear... like a hurricane
a cyclone...
winds and water and chaos...
all inside...
inside I am afraid
outside I am angry
inside i am terrified
outside i hide
inside my head an uncontested war rages...
dark and ugly is what they say
weary and sad is what i see...
i yearn to be numb... yet excess has left me without defense...
i yearn for contentment...
is that but a prayer fallen deaf
on the ears of god?
i believe i believe i believe...
does he hear, does he see my fragile being?
even in questioning i doubt...
the grace unseen,
that envelopes my soul and embraces me...
yet i still struggle within that grasp... why?
inside is still bouncing about...
dear lord... please silence it...hush me
inside is still filling my heart with lies and
burdening my soul with worry...
as my prayer leaves my mind and heart and soul
and through the amplifier of words...
god smiles down... and presses the save key once again...
-kimberly rae cole
2/9/2009
robbed.
something taken that can never be replaced, repaired, or found
a feeling, a need, a desire that has haunted me since childhood
stolen
torn from my being both physically and mentally
my emotional cut that will never heal...
around me I see them; small hands, little pink caps, swaddled in
blankets
around me I hear them; talking of baby showers, and car seats,
first steps, first words
around me I smell them; fresh powder and sweetness...
inside I break in two...
inside I ache to hold...
inside I mourn the child that will never and can never be.
my prayer for a miracle felt as if it has fallen on deaf ears.
my someday is now gone.
